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 Q&A: Dan Savage Talks Hook Ups and Double Standards 

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Famous sex-columnist Dan Savage answers students’ questions on the new MTV series Savage U. What did he learn from the experience? It’s Your Sex Life got answers:

++You’re a world-renowned sex, dating and relationship expert, so you’ve pretty much heard it all.  While traveling to all these college campuses, was there a particularly surprising or unexpected question?

It wasn’t new, I’ve heard it before, but I’m still surprised by how many people — male and female, but more often male — insist they would never date someone they hooked up with. Because, you know, people who hook up… they’re just not relationship material, you know? It never seems to register with the person making this observation — this value judgment — that they themselves are not “relationship material.” By their own definition they’re not! Because they hooked up too.

They know they’re not sleazes, even if they did something sleazy, but they assume that the person they got sleazy with must be a sleaze. Not someone who did something sleazy, but a sleaze. The double standard and magical/tragical thinking here is equal parts sad and hilarious.

++ Why did you want to do this show? Why is talking with young people about sex and all the issues that go along with sex like using protection and getting tested for STDs so important to you?

I wanted to bring the kind of conversation I have with my readers and listeners to television. Sex is fun, it’s a wonderful thing, but there are risks. Control those risks as best you can and then get out there and enjoy yourself while being considerate of the feelings and rights of others. That “do unto others” stuff, you know?

Often what you see on TV about sex—people going for it, having sex without any thought being given to the risk—is in conflict with what you hear about sex on TV. What you hear is, basically, “Don’t have sex unless it’s 100% safe! Responsible people only have risk-free sex!” There is no such thing as risk-free sex, of course. And that message about risk—it’s never okay to take a risk—is undermined by all the risk taking we see people, real and fictional, engage in on television.

A show that acknowledges the risks, talks about them, informs people about them, and then empowers them to make their own choices—their own informed choices, which can include the choice to take a risk—is something new.

Watch Savage U Tuesdays at 11/10c and check back for more from Dan Savage on It’s Your Sex Life.

 16 & Pregnant Season 4: Katie 

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16 & Pregnant is back this spring, featuring new moms as they letting us in their complicated lives of trying to balance a pregnancy with the everyday challenges of being a teenager.  From feeling alone, to relying on her boyfriend’s parents for support, to trying to find a prom dress that Katie deals with the physical, emotional, financial and social changes that come along with a pregnancy.  But perhaps the biggest change comes after their daughter, Mollie is born.   Even though Katie can depend on her boyfriend Joey, who has been working to support them and also spending time with their baby, Katie finds herself acting more like astay-at-home mom rather than the ambitious student she always was.  Instead of focusing on college life, like picking new classes and making friends in the dorm, Katie is spending her time taking care of Mollie, cooking and cleaning.  And that’s a lot to do—as we saw with the burnt eggs situation—to take on the responsibilities of caring for herself AND a child, and all while sacrificing her dream of going to college.   Do you have college plans?  Career goals?  Determined to make it through high school?  All of these are so achievable—and even more so if you have a plan to protect yourself.  Find out about What Works and What Doesn’t here.

Check out Katie talking more about what she’s had to give up and the changes in her life in this interview:

 16 & Pregnant: Mackenzie 

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From cartwheels to changing diapers.  WOAH.  That’s the life of Mackenzie, profiled in the season premiere of 16 and Pregnant.  As a competitive cheerleader, Mackenzie was used to a challenge.  But being pregnant AND having to find out that her boyfriend had a serious neck injury from a car accident, trying to find a job, and trying to keep up with school was an extreme challenge.  Even though she and her boyfriend, Josh disagree about whether Josh should go back to rodeo riding, she does have his support when it comes to taking care of their baby boy, Gannon, while she’s at school.  When Mackenzie opens up to her mom about being pregnant, she tells her she wasn’t on birth control because she didn’t want to get fat.  Let’s set the record straight here: there are many methods to prevent pregnancy, and if you’re having sex, it’s your responsibility to find a method that works best for you.  It’s  YOUR sex  life, so start taking control by checking out What Works and What Doesn’t here.

Watch the full episode of the 16 and Pregnant premiere with Mackenzie here.

 16 & Pregnant Season 3: Where are they now? 

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The girls from 16 & Pregnant Season 3 have experienced a lot of ups and downs since the cameras stopped rolling last year. On last night’s “Where are they now?” special we got to catch up their lives and saw just how challenging raising a baby at a young age can be.

Three of the teen moms’ stories stood out in particular:

-Kianna is now raising her son alone because her boyfriend Zak was sentenced to 15 years in jail for burglary. She is determined to wait for him to be released so they can be a family, but recognizes that her son will basically have to grow up without a father figure.

Kianna is attending community college and thinking about being a counselor, but she is sad she had to give up her big dreams and her plans to go to a four year university to raise her baby. Money is also a huge struggle: she tells Zak’s mom they are always running out of basics they need, like diapers.

- Jordan, who has a twin sister, has made a lot of life changes. She married her son’s father, and moved to California with him when he joined the military. But she got pregnant a second time because she wasn’t using protection or birth control and now has two babies she has to care for. It’s clear the stress of handling the kids, alone, while her husband is at training, is taking its toll on her. When she Skype’s with her sister we hear that Jordan hopes someday to go back to school, but can’t make any plans for that now.

-Izabella is still in high school and dreaming of going to college and becoming a doctor. She and Jairo are still working out the balance of their relationship, but he does seem committed to trying to help her reach her goals.

All the 16 & Pregnant girls expressed a strong need for time on their own, time to feel like teens and said they think that opportunity is gone for them now. But you still have that chance, and you CAN take control of your own health and future. Did you know that 3 in 10 teen girls in the US will get pregnant at least once before age 20? Get in the know and learn what works and what doesn’t when it comes to preventing pregnancy.

If you are having sex, make a plan for protecting yourself against unintended pregnancy and STDs. Remember that condoms protect you against both pregnancy AND STDs. They are the only method that does both.

 Teen Mom 2: Season Finale 

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The Teen Moms were not feeling the Valentine’s Day love on last night’s finale.

This season was brutal on the girls’ relationships, in fact all of them broke up with their significant others by the end of the last episode. So where do they stand after all the drama? These quotes from last night’s show sum it up:

“How long is it going to take before I can see him and not get sad?” – Chelsea, talking about her on-and-off ex Adam. We hope it’s really, really soon Chelsea. You deserve to be treated well!

“This is a marriage that’s led to a divorce” -Leah, trying to process that her marriage to the father of her two girls is truly over. Watching Corey take off his ring was heart breaking.

“Why do I put myself in these positions” - Kailyn, taking the words right out of our mouths. She’s working and going to school, doing a lot of things right. But she and Joe continue to complicate their co-parenting relationship and each other’s lives.

“Why don’t you let me focus on myself while I’m here?” – Jenelle, talking to ex-boyfriend Kiefer from rehab. We are with you Jenelle, it’s time for you to deal with your stress and addiction issues without all the distractions!

On the MTV after show, teen moms in the audience weighed in on the season and most of them were very sympathetic about all the emotional baggage that comes with parenthood.

“Seeing the four of you put your kids first despite how hard it is for you, it’s something really important to remember,” one mother said. “You did what you thought is right.”

We wish all the Teen Moms out there health and happiness, and thanks to everyone for watching this season. Remember that you CAN take control of your own health and future. Did you know that 3 in 10 teen girls in the US will get pregnant at least once before age 20? Get in the know and learn what works and what doesn’t when it comes to preventing pregnancy.

If you are having sex, make a plan for protecting yourself against unintended pregnancy and STDs. Remember that condoms protect you against both pregnancy AND STDs. They are the only method that does both.

 Teen Mom 2: Episode 11, Falling 

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Jenelle, Jenelle, Jenelle. Of all the Teen Moms she has had the most emotional and chaotic season. And just like her mother says on pretty much every episode, we really worry for her health and happiness.

Last night she finally started to recognize some of her addiction problems and her stress issues and it was a huge relief to see her start to take control. She cut off her relationship with Keifer, acknowledging he was putting her at more legal risk and jeopardizing her future with her son. She also agreed to go to rehab for addiction and stress, a HUGE step for her and her family.

That can’t have been an easy decision, but on the after show Jenelle admitted
that getting probation made her “stop and realize” what was happening in her life and gave her more perspective. She also said she’s learned a lot from her decision to go into counseling and rehab– she even pledged to talk about it openly with her son someday when he is older.

“It’s OK if you go get help, no matter how perfect your life is, it’s OK to have a therapist,” she said.  “You shouldn’t bottle it all up.”

Jenelle has a long road ahead of her, but she seems committed to working things out for the benefit of Jace.

Take control of your own health and future. Did you know that 3 in 10 teen girls in the US will get pregnant at least once before age 20? It doesn’t have to be this way. Get in the know and learn what works and what doesn’t when it comes to preventing pregnancy.

If you are having sex, make a plan for protecting yourself against unintended pregnancy and STDs. Remember that condoms protect you against both pregnancy AND STDs. They are the only method that does both. And if you’re struggling with stress or depression, seek help and visit the Half of Us campaign.

 Teen Mom 2, Episode 10: Love Comes and Goes 

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Leah and Corey are the only Teen Mom 2 parents who are still a couple this season…though if you read any gossip mags you probably already know how that ends. But it’s still sad to watch them grow apart and on last night’s episode it was clear there are major differences in how they view the future.

Leah pushes ahead searching for a new place to live, but Corey is definitely not on board with the plan.
“Maybe I have some bad communication skills…but it takes both of us, if he’s not going to work on it too then we’re not going to get through it,” she confides in her friend after a fight.

Teen Mom couples have struggled time and time again to care for their kids and still manage to stay happily in a relationship with each other. The truth is that having a baby makes everything more complicated, and building a family while still figuring life out is just plain hard.

Especially with twins, and with ongoing medical issues with one of the girls, Leah and Corey have been through a lot. By the end of this episode it’s clear they may not be able to hold everything together. Corey even tells Leah during a fight that he thinks they rushed their marriage. Leah also admits on the aftershow that she was very scared before their wedding and that she may have felt marriage was the best thing because she didn’t have a relationship with her own father.

Pregnancy at a young age tends to speed up everything, and decisions aren’t always made for the best reasons. But you can take control and make sure it doesn’t happen to you. Get all the info on what works and what doesn’t for birth control, and check out frequently asked questions on preventing pregnancy.

 Teen Mom 2, Espisode 9: The Beginning of the End 

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There was so much drama on last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2, you might need some recovery time to process it all. Janelle’s fight with Keifer and her roommate was completely out of control, but it’s Kailyn’s legal fight with Jo over child support that probably hits home the most with other teen moms out there.

Jo appealed to the court to lower his child support payment to Kailyn. But she’s paying her rent and tuition, going to school and holding down a job, and it’s all become too much to handle. Watching Kailyn talk to a lawyer about all the details of child support showed just how complicated it can be to balance all the financial responsibilities of raising a child.

The issue got a attention on the Teen Mom Facebook page. A lot of you thought Kailyn was being unfair and trying to get more money from Jo than she deserves. But a lot of fans said it’s her right as a mother and Jo should pay his share:

“Kailyn should have filed for child support because she didn’t make that baby by herself.”

“She has nowhere to go and has custody of the baby…. I guess people forget you have to have heat to keep a child warm, electricity to cook for the baby, water to bath the baby…”

On MTV’s aftershow Kailyn admitted she often feels friends don’t understand all the complications of being a young mom, like her child support battle.

“Not one of my friends has a child,” Kailyn said. “They don’t really understand where I’m coming from.”

This dispute isn’t over, so there will be plenty more to debate. In the meantime, take a look at our preventing pregnancy FAQ’s…staying informed when it comes to how to prevent unintended pregnancy and what protection method is right for you could mean the difference between fighting your own court battles someday or getting to follow your own path!

 Teen Mom Soundtrack Now on iTunes Benefitting Teen Pregnancy Prevention 

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We know you love the music featured on Teen Mom—admit it, you’ve even Googled a few lyrics trying to track down songs after the show. Now you can get your new music fix with the Teen Mom 2 soundtrack and help prevent teen pregnancy at the same time!

Starting Tuesday, 12 tracks from Teen Mom are available for download from iTunes, with all proceeds going to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Click here to purchase your copy now from iTunes.

Even though teen pregnancy rates are going down in the United States, three in every ten girls get pregnant before they turn 20. That’s a pretty staggering number. More than 700,000 teenage girls in the U.S. become pregnant each year and one out of every ten children in the U.S. is born to a teenage mother.  

We’ve seen MTV’s teen moms (and dads) struggle on the show with everything from paying rent to giving up dreams of going to college. Contributing to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy will help raise awareness among teens about taking responsibility for their future and  using protection  (check out more on what works and what doesn’t when it comes to using protection here).

Listen to some of our favorite tracks from the album below, like There’s a Light by Jay Malinowski:

This is Me Being Honest by E for Explosion:

Hard to Believe by Andy Davis:

 Teen Mom 2: Episode 6 

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Whoa…in this episode of Teen Mom 2, Chelsea’s friend Megan tells her that she’s pregnant.   Chelsea immediately asks her if she was on birth control, and Megan admits that she hasn’t been using birth control for the past six months.   Did you know that a sexually active teen who does not use a contraceptive has a 90% chance of becoming pregnant within a year?!? 90% chance of becoming pregnant.   Within a year.   When a teen is having sex and NOT using contraception.   Sounds like the odds are clearly not in your favor if you’re not using protection.   Even though Megan was right by Chelsea’s side while she was pregnant, Chelsea wonders if Megan’s really thought about the big consequences that come along with being a teen mom.   Chelsea admits that she’s sad and scared for her friend because she had to give up everything to be a mom and knows firsthand how hard it is to balance having a baby with the other challenges of parents, relationships, friends, work, school and more.    If you have questions about pregnancy prevention, get the answers you need here.

 

 Teen Mom 2: Episode 4 

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This week’s episode featured Kailyn’s decision to use a different method of protection.   First off, major props to Kailyn for talking with her health care provider about the best method of protection for her.  It’s important to know that while birth control methods protect against unintended pregnancy (like the IUD that Kailyn chooses), the only method that protects against unintended pregnancy AND STDs is using condoms correctly, each and every time you have sex.   For more information about What Works and What Doesn’t to prevent unintended pregnancy, click here.

And besides taking control and bringing up using protection with her doctor, Kailyn also brought up the conversation of safe sex and preventing unintended pregnancy with Jordan too.   This Teen Mom knows how to speak up for herself- she’s firm about her decision to use protection, she wants to be responsible after already having one child, and she knows it’s important to be open and honest with Jordan.   Even though Jordan has a hard time talking about it, he eventually comes around and tells Kailyn how much he respects her for taking the lead and that he appreciates her looking out for the oth of them.   So when you think that you or your partner might not be able to handle the awkwardness of a conversation, just remember: there is nothing more awkward than silence.   For tips on how to talk to your partner about using protection, click here.

 

 Teen Mom 2: Episode 3 

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One of the highlights of the third episode of Teen Mom 2 was Leah’s conversation with her friend about how she wishes she had waited.   Although she loves her twin girls, Leah knows her relationship with Corey moved way more quickly than she would have wanted because they became parents.   And she playfully admits that in many ways, she’s still a kid herself.   When you’re living young and wild and free (in the wise words of Snoop Dog and Wiz Khalifa), it’s hard to imagine having to take on adult responsibilities, but think about how an unintended pregnancy would affect your life—your relationships, your career dreams, your academic goals, and more.   How would you have to “grow up”?   But more than dwelling on how her life has changed even though she wasn’t necessarily ready for it, Leah’s reflects on the topic of WAITING.   Whether you think you’re ready or whether you think you want to wait, either way it’s YOUR decision.   So be sure that you’re comfortable with your decision and know that you have plenty of time to make that decision.   For tips on talking to your partner about waiting, click here.