Reported by MTV Act.

Photo: (Everyone Is Gay)

The Hook Up is a weekly relationship advice column from MTV Act and the It’s Your (Sex) Life campaign, written by the very talented Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid.

 

From the awkward to the complicated to the down-right-adorable, these girls have you covered. To submit your question about love, lust or anything in between, email us at mtvhookup@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you, and your question could be chosen for a future column! Plus, the first 30 people get free MTV Act shirts. FYI, in case you’re a little shy, all questions can be anonymous.

“For the longest time, I wasn’t allowed to date. Now it’s my 2nd year in college and OBVIOUSLY it’s my choice if I want to. And I do! But I have no idea where to start! If I like a guy, I don’t know how to move our friendly relationship to something more. And also, a lot of college guys are expecting a very physical relationship that I’m nowhere near ready for. In short, How do i jump into the dating scene?” -Sabrina

Dannielle Says: 

I’m one of those people who can’t be bothered to make the first move. It’s like… IF YOU LIKE ME YOU’LL ASK ME OUT. You know? I just… you guys… I tried to sound real cool right then, but truth is I’m wayyyy to nervous to say anything to anyone about any kind of liking or dating. So, I take it slow, return the flirts, laugh at their jokes, and wait patiently.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LIKE ME THOUGH, you can absolutely put yourself out there a little more. Start small, invite them to parties/shows/events, ask them to study with you, hang out in groups. Then start to text them a little more and get your flirt on, you’ll be able to tell if they like you back bc they will return the FLIRTZ and TEXTZ. THEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE LEAP, just ask them out, worst case scenario they say ‘no’ and you move on with your life. A lot of us are so scared of rejection, but YOU GUYS… you don’t wanna date someone who doesn’t wanna date you, ya know?

When it comes to sexitimes, be clear about what you’re no okay with, if y’all are making out and your boo tries to get TOO FRISKY just say ‘hey, i’d like to take it a little slower.’ As a relationship progresses you always learn about your boo’s experiences and whether or not they’re ready for sexi-things. It might be awkward at first if you’re both on different levels of sexi-readiness, but if booboo really likes you, they’re not going to mind waiting until you’re ready. That’s what you want, you know? A boo who will treat you right, respect your decisions, and give you presents.

Kristin Says:

I am very different from Dannielle, and I usually approach things from a place of, “might as well be myself, find out if they are into me, and move on from there.” I don’t like wasting time, and I know that there are people in the world who will be like HELL YEAH KRISTIN LET’S DO THIS, and people in the world who will be like YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE SORRYYYY BYEEEEE. Obviously, I prefer the former… but it’s life and some people just don’t understand this particular brand of greatness, you know?!

I’m mostly joking about the greatness part, but in all honesty – we are all totally great and awesome humans and we just don’t always fit together. That isn’t a reflection on who we are, and the more you can grasp that, the easier it will be to take the risk in the first place.

SO. How do you jump in? Depends on you and what you do and how you do it, but most of the time – just try to be social and to get involved. Go to parties or book clubs or sports events or math league meetups – just do things that interest you. Make eye contact, ask questions, and be yourself. If you like someone, follow Dannielle’s advice of slow and steady “getting to know you” moves, and then say to yourself I AM A HUMAN AND I AM A GOOD HUMAN AND I AM GOING TO JUST MAKE MYSELF KNOWN. Ask the person to coffee or to see a movie or to grab dinner. They say yes? Great. They say no? Move along to the next human-crush!

The same advice applies to sexi-time. Be you, stick with what you want and what you need and what you are ready for – any person who respects you will respect those things about you and move at a pace that makes you both comfortable.

“I know I’m into guys and have always liked dating them but when I fanaticize I picture girls for some reason. What does that mean, so confusing” –E

Dannielle Says:

Listen, I 100% want to make out with Channing Tatum. HOWEVER, if Channing Tatum came up to me and said “Dannielle, will you make out with me” I WOULD SQUEAL… and run, and turn bright red from embarrassment and giggle for at least thirty minutes. Then two days later I would bring it up and everyone would be like “Dannielle, shut up, you’ve been talking about that for two days.”

My point here is only to say that attraction and fantisization are not mutally exclusive… Also, fantisization is not a word… I just made it up, someone give me a million dollars.

If you’re seeing something in your head that makes you all googley inside, but does not interest you IN THE LEAST on the outside, you’re totally fine. HOWEVER, if you’re seeing stuff in your head and you’re like ‘omg i juuuust wanna make out with a girl, but i’m not supposed to want that so i’m going to pretend i don’t’ then just SCREW IT and make out with a girl. It’s like, maybe you’ll hate it, maybe you’ll like it, who knows. If it isn’t bothering you, and you have no LEGIT interest in making out with a girl, know that you are totally normal, fantisizations are totally okay and you are not weird, promise.

**don’t worry guys, I know the word ‘fantasies’ but i don’t like words that i didn’t make up**

Kristin Says:

In my humble opinion  (AKA IMHO), there are two types of fantasies:

1) “In my head it’s the sexiest thing but in the sheets it’s BAHAHAHAHAHA TOTALLY NOT SEXY STOP IT HAHAHA” Fantasy (which I will refer to as the BAHAHA Fantasy), and

2) “In my head it’s the sexiest thing and OMG I cannot stop thinking about it until I do it” Fantasy (which I will refer to as the DOITNOW Fantasy).

I find that the BAHAHA Fantasy is much more common, and that is totally normal and awesome and wonderful. I can fantasize that I am a boy while totally doin’ it with someone without any interest in actually having a CRACKERJACK, if you know what I mean. You can fantasize about what it would be like to kiss a girl mouth without necessarily wanting to actually kiss a girl mouth. That is the most fun part about fantasy – you can literally do whatever you want, think whatever you want, and have fun in whatever way you want without it having to inform your behavior outside of the bedroom.

If you are having the DOITNOW Fantasy where you simply know you won’t stop thinking about it until you actually DOIT, then, like Dannielle said, go on and getcha some. Make out with a girl! WHY NOT?! Then you will either be like HAHAHA THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT SEXY BUT HAHAHAHA (reverting it to the BAHAHA Fantasy categorization), or you will be like HOLY SHIT I HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT MY WHOLE LIFE, and then you can make out with more girls and start reading everyoneisgay.com.

You know!?

Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid are the co-creators of Everyone is Gay, a website and organization promoting kindness between all people, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The views expressed in these blog posts are the viewsof the authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of MTV, KFF or the It’s Your Sex Life campaign.

Submit your question + get a FREE shirt:

To be eligible for a free shirt, send an email to act@mtv.com and include your (a) name, (b) mailing address, (c) date of birth and (d) sex/relationship question.

In addition, copy and paste the statement below in bold exactly as it appears in order to agree and acknowledge that you have accepted the terms of MTV.com’s Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement:

By sending this email, I accept and agree to MTV.com’s Terms of Use,  and Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement.

AN EMAIL IS INCOMPLETE AND WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AN OFFICIAL ENTRY UNLESS ENTRANT HAS ACKNOWLEDGED AND AGREED TO MTV.COM’S TERMS OF USE, PRIVACY POLICY AND USER CONTENT SUBMISSION AGREEMENT.

Reported by MTV Act.

Photo: (Everyone Is Gay)

The Hook Up is a weekly relationship advice column from MTV Act and the It’s Your (Sex) Life campaign, written by the very talented Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid.

From the awkward to the complicated to the down-right-adorable, these girls have you covered. To submit your question about love, lust or anything in between, email us at mtvhookup@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you, and your question could be chosen for a future column! Plus, the first 30 people get free MTV Act shirts. FYI, in case you’re a little shy, all questions can be anonymous.

My friend and her boyfriend are both jealous and fight a lot. I know he’s hit her but she hits him too, and they won’t break up. Advice?

Dannielle Says: 

I’m not an expert… on anything, much less what to do in a situation like this, but I will say to be in your shoes right now must be hard and I’m sorry.

There is nothing worse than when someone we love is hurting and it feels like there isn’t anything we can do about it. If I were you, I’d talk to your friend about YOUR feelings. I would tell my friend that I was scared, I would tell her I didn’t know what to do and that made me feel helpless, and I would tell her I want her ultimate happiness. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. Maybe I’m an idiot, but that is what I would do.

I would also, honestly, go on http://www.loveisrespect.org/ and live chat with someone there, or call… but I’m super awkward on the phone, so… I’d prolly live chat.

I know this is a terrifying situation, but you are not alone and there is something that can be done. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Kristin Says:

This is a complicated thing to process, because often times when we think of abuse there is a “victim” and an “abuser.” Our brains easily digest things where there is a bad guy and a good guy, and this situation (which I think is much more common then we know) is such that BOTH parties are participating in abuse.

This is not a healthy relationship. This is bad, and dangerous, for both your friend and her boyfriend. The first thing you should know is that you, alone, do not have the ability to “fix” this situation. The second thing you should know is that there are resources and people who can help you to help them.

The link Dannielle shared is a great place to start, and I’d also like to share information on an organization called The Hotline.

The Hotline has a 24/7 call in line: 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224, and they also have advice for those, like you, who are friends of people in dangerous situations. Some of the main points are:

- Don’t be afraid to let them know you are concerned
- Encourage them to talk to people who can help
- Encourage them to participate in activities outside of the relationship =
- Be respectful and non-judgmental

Click here to read the full article.

You are right to be concerned, and you should now turn to those who can help you better understand the ways in which you can help support your friend and how that support can help them take the action they need to get out of this situation.

Why is sex not appealing to me anymore? -B

Dannielle Says: 

I wish we were best friends so I could sit across from you at Chili’s and ask you a million questions. BECAUSE IT COULD BE SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS.

Maybe you’re no longer attracted to the person you’re with, maybe you’ve grown out of sexi-time AS YOU KNOW IT, maybe you’re so busy and tired that your priorities have changed, maybe you’ve had sexies but it took too long so you feel like it’s a waste of time and you’re just over it for now.

It could be a million things, but I THINK YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT. Especially if you’re like ‘i’m not into sexitime, but i sure do MISS being into sexitime.’ It’s like, our tastebuds change every seven years…so, maybe our sexibuds change too? AAAND if you’re in a relationship, talk to your BALLnCHAIN about it. Maybe the two of you will come up with new things to try to make it fun again. Who knows.

ON THE OTHER HAND. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less-than or weird for not being into sexi times. We all have different wants and needs and if you’re just not into it, you’re not and that’s completely fine and normal and wonderful and you rule.

Kristin Says:

I agree – I think this is really a question of if you are unhappy with sex not appealing to you at the moment or if you are just like “IS IT WEIRD THAT RIGHT NOW I’M NOT INTO BONIN’?”

I second Dannielle – if you want to know if it is okay that you aren’t into visiting sexytown, USA right now, hell yea it is! Some of us have a permanent passport to sexytown and would move there if they offered permanent residencies, others of us like to visit sometimes, and then some of us are like, ‘nah, not interested.’ Those are all acceptable approaches to sex unless you feel upset by those desires (or lack of desires).

If you want to be more into sex than you are, I say try the fake it til you make it approach. A lot of times, the thought of doin’ it can be overshadowed by outside stress, by underlying emotions, or just by things like “Ugh it will take so long and I have to cook dinner.” When you feel hesitation, try just DOIN IT instead. Sometimes the act of doin’ it gets your brain turned on more than the thought of doin’ it. #doinitdoinitdoinitwell

If you try that and you are still unhappy with the results, I would turn to your brain and ask it for some explanation. Nine times out of ten* we have something emotionally going on in our brains that blocks out other desires. Perhaps there are things making you unhappy in your relationship that need attention. Perhaps you are miserable at work and it is affecting other parts of your life. Dig in there and root out the negative. Usually while you are digging you find your passport to sexytown buried in the mess.

*not an actual statistic

Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid are the co-creators of Everyone is Gay, a website and organization promoting kindness between all people, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The views expressed in these blog posts are the viewsof the authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of MTV, KFF or the It’s Your Sex Life campaign.

Submit your question + get a FREE shirt:

To be eligible for a free shirt, send an email to act@mtv.com and include your (a) name, (b) mailing address, (c) date of birth and (d) sex/relationship question.

In addition, copy and paste the statement below in bold exactly as it appears in order to agree and acknowledge that you have accepted the terms of MTV.com’s Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement:

By sending this email, I accept and agree to MTV.com’s Terms of Use,  and Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement.

AN EMAIL IS INCOMPLETE AND WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AN OFFICIAL ENTRY UNLESS ENTRANT HAS ACKNOWLEDGED AND AGREED TO MTV.COM’S TERMS OF USE, PRIVACY POLICY AND USER CONTENT SUBMISSION AGREEMENT.

Reported by MTV Act.

Photo: (Everyone Is Gay)

The Hook Up is a weekly relationship advice column from MTV Act and the It’s Your (Sex) Life campaign, written by the very talented Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid.

 

From the awkward to the complicated to the down-right-adorable, these girls have you covered. To submit your question about love, lust or anything in between, email us at mtvhookup@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you, and your question could be chosen for a future column! Plus, the first 30 people get free MTV Act shirts. FYI, in case you’re a little shy, all questions can be anonymous.

I think I’m in love but I’m not sure. How do you know you definitely are? Question submitted by Lisa

Dannielle Says: 

Shiz, son, when you find out, LET ME KNOW.

Jaykay, yallls. I just think it’s on a person to person basis. Is that how that phrase works? I think there are different kinds of love. I think you can be in love multiple times. I think you can be head over heels in love and then when it’s over you realize you weren’t in love at all. I think you can see someone for the first time and be overwhelmed with emotion, your heart falls into your stomach and you forget to breathe, you can’t stop staring at them and in one minute you can feel like you’ve met the person you’re going to spend your life with, but then you never see them again. I think you can see a Nick Jonas interview and realize he’s exactly what you want in a boy/man and skin IS SO G-D CLEAR IT’S NOT EVEN FAIR. You can imagine yourself with someone forever and then forget about them in five minutes.

Love is a strange thing.

When you know, you know. That’s how I feel about it. I don’t know that there is one person for everyone. I don’t know if everyone has single soul mate. I don’t know what to tell you, anonymous, because love is not black&white, it’s not simple and it’s not the same for you as it is for me.

For me, love is a strange mixture of feeling like the luckiest person in the world and more terrified that I’ve ever been in my life. It’s feeling completely comfortable and lazy but totally motivated and adventurous. I don’t feel like I have to prove anything to anyone and I don’t care what anyone thinks. I can’t imagine my life without her and I swear to god she gets prettier everyday.

but that’s just me.

also, THIS.

Kristin Says:

It would be so much easier if, when in love, a small, heart shaped beauty mark appeared over our left eyelid…then we could just close our eyes and KNOW.  Wait.  That would actually be awful, because then in first grade when I closed my eyes at my teacher, she would totally know that I loved her and that would be so embarrassing.  Revising plan: It is really, really awesome that there isn’t a foundational, unequivocal way to ‘know’ how to define love.  What makes it so intriguing and wonderful and complicated is that it is near-to-impossible to completely pin down.

The important thing to know is that there are a hundred-million-thousand-infinity types of love out there in the world, and you are capable of feeling them all, sometimes several at once.  You can be in love with your girlfriend of three months, and then fall in love with her all over again after a year, and then fall out of love with her after five.  You can love someone after five months and understand an entirely new form of love that doesn’t change, but just attacks you in moments with its incredible strength.

Sometimes love feels out of control and makes you lose six pounds in three weeks, sometimes it feels like the only thing that is grounding your feet to the floor, sometimes it feels like a really deep breath of salty air, sometimes it feels like crying.

I know.  It is really confusing.  It is one of those things that you cannot know until you are like, “Oh mannnn, I KNOW.”

If you are feeling at all discouraged by that answer, I also have been fortunate enough to have my opinions on the stages of relationship-love formatted into an easy-to-read Powerpoint slide!

I talk to girls online fine but when I’m around them I feel like my personality is different and I’m not as funny. Help! Question asked by Travis

Dannielle Says: 

YOU. AND. ME. BOTH.

I’m so serious about this right now. You guys, one time I met a girl that I had been talking to on the internet AND I WAS COMPLETELY SILENT THE WHOLE TIME. I literally couldn’t get a word out, I was so nervous. She was chit chattin up a storm and I was just staring at her totally frightened and not knowing what to say. It was the worst. I’m soooo funny on the internet and I’m soooo funny over text message, but get me next to a girl I have a crush on in real life and I’m like a deer in headlights.

However, I’ve managed to learn a lot from being totally nervous and unable to speak. First and foremost, if it’s supposed to work out, it will. If you can barely breathe, much less carry a conversation, just remember that 6 months from now your boo is going to be giggling about how cute you were when you first met and you couldn’t speak! OR SHE’LL SAY you kept trying to make jokes and failing miserably, but she couldn’t stop laughing. OR she’ll mention how you literally talked about AdventureTime for 45 minutes and you’ll both laugh. Things have a way of working themselves out.

IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE AWKWARD, I suggest making a list in your head of good solid questions to ask and remember that hanging out isn’t about being hilarious, it’s about getting to know your potential boo. Show interest in the things she likes, listen to what she’s saying, and care about her as a human. That’s all anyone REALLY wants, and once you both feel comfortable, you’ll loosen up and your true hilarious internetty personality will shine bright like a diamond.

Kristin Says:

Yeah yeah yeah ALL THAT PLUS A BAG OF CHIPS.

I feel like I should answer this question from the other end of the experience – as the girl who goes on a date with someone who is SO FUNNY but then is like #PANICEYES the whole time we are on a date…

I LOVE THAT GIRL.

The thing about the Internet vs Real Life issue is that most everyone knows that if you are funny and charming and wonderful via social media and phone-thangs, you are a smart and charming and funny PERSON in general. Anyone who doesn’t attribute awkward first-date / getting to know you moments to nerves is a straight up fool. You should enter into the date feeling confident that even if you aren’t confident… potential-future-boobear will get it.

I also think that screaming out your feelings in the first few moments is goddamn hilarious, so when you pick her up at her house you should just look her in the eyes and shout “SOMETIMES ON FIRST DATES I GET NERVOUS SO I PROBABLY WON’T BE AS FUNNY AS I AM ON THE INTERNET BUT JUST GIVE ME TIME OKAY?!?!?!?!?!” Then lean dramatically on the doorframe and ask for a glass of water.

Now you’ve communicated your feelings, cleared the way for some awkward, and made Kristin Russo die laughing. Good work.

Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid are the co-creators of Everyone is Gay, a website and organization promoting kindness between all people, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The views expressed in these blog posts are the viewsof the authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of MTV, KFF or the It’s Your Sex Life campaign.

Submit your question + get a FREE shirt:

To be eligible for a free shirt, send an email to act@mtv.com and include your (a) name, (b) mailing address, (c) date of birth and (d) sex/relationship question.

In addition, copy and paste the statement below in bold exactly as it appears in order to agree and acknowledge that you have accepted the terms of MTV.com’s Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement:

By sending this email, I accept and agree to MTV.com’s Terms of Use,  and Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement.

AN EMAIL IS INCOMPLETE AND WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AN OFFICIAL ENTRY UNLESS ENTRANT HAS ACKNOWLEDGED AND AGREED TO MTV.COM’S TERMS OF USE, PRIVACY POLICY AND USER CONTENT SUBMISSION AGREEMENT.

Reported by MTV Act.

Photo: (Everyone Is Gay)

The Hook Up is a weekly relationship advice column from MTV Act and the It’s Your (Sex) Life campaign, written by the very talented Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid.

From the awkward to the complicated to the down-right-adorable, these girls have you covered. To submit your question about love, lust or anything in between, email us at mtvhookup@gmail.com. We’d love to hear from you, and your question could be chosen for a future column! Plus, the first 30 people get free MTV Act shirts. FYI, in case you’re a little shy, all questions can be anonymous.

My boyfriend watches a lot of porn. Could he have a problem? –Sam

Dannielle Says: 

Short Answer: no.

Long Answer: Porn is just porn you guys, some people watch it some people don’t. IT DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN SOMETHING SERIOUS AND DRAMATIC.

I had a friend in college who literally just watched it, like it would be on his computer for no reason. He would just do his reading with it on in the background… I DON’T KNOW WHY OR WHAT IT MEANT, BUT LIKE IT’S WHATEVER YOU GUYS.

Kristin knows a lot more about porn than i do because she went to school for learning things about people… or something… but here is what I think…

If it bothers you because you’re afraid he’s watching p0rn for a specific reason pertaining to your sex life I.E. he doesn’t love doing it with you, then fine. You should totally talk to him. If it’s getting in the way of his everyday life I.E. he’s not going to work, finishing school, hanging out with you, then fine. You should totally talk to him. If he is just watching it to watch it and you are both totally fulfilled, then leave it alone. Maybe ask him why it interests him, explain you never understood it, watch it together even, but that’s it. He’s not hurting anyone!

Kristin Says:

I did go to school for porn, so Dannielle’ is right – you are now talking to a certified expert.

#ididnotgotoschoolforporn

What I do know, though, is that what happens to a lot of us if and when our boo watches porn is that we are all OKAY HAHA BUT OKAY BUT WAIT WHAT IF IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH WHY DO YOU NEED THE PORN WHY AM I NOT SEXY ENOUGH ALONE UGH YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME I HATE YOU DOOR SLAM.

It is hard to answer this question without understanding what your definition of “a lot” of porn equals. Like D said, if your boo is like, “Sorry can’t make it to Sylvia’s wedding, have to get through this stack of porn DVDs,” then there is an issue that likely goes way beyond just “porn consumption.” If your boo isn’t into doing it with you at all and just wants to porn-it-up every night before bed, then again – this is something that bothers you because you have a different vision for your own sexitime needs, and it needs to be spoken about and addressed in that context.

If, however, you just feel weird or bad or uncomfortable because you don’t like porn and you don’t understand why he does… then just ask him about it, try to understand it better, and at the end of the day allow him to enjoy the things that turn him on. The last thing you should do is suggest that he has a “problem” for liking to watch naked people bump around on a TV screen. To each his own, eh?

When my mom asks me about sex and if I’m “active,” I just try to change the subject and go and do something else. When would be a good time to tell her that I am? To make it harder… I’m 15 years old and my mom had me when she was 16. I don’t know how to tell her or if I should even tell her at all.

Dannielle Says:

I think honesty is a good thing. Our parents know things like this, IT’S ANNOYING, because all you want to do is lie and not have to talk about it (that feeling doesn’t go away FYI). However, it’s always better to just get it out there. Chances are, she wants to know you’re being safe and smart and AS LONG AS THAT IS THE CASE, you talking to her will make her feel a lot better.

Think about it this way, no matter what happens you are going to continue being sexually active AND no matter what happens she is going to continue to ask… So, if you just put it out there and say ‘yes i am and i’m being smart i swear’ it won’t make you feel super awful and like a liar every time it comes up. It might be a little weird and a little awkward, but at least you’re not lying and constantly trying to think of the best way to phrase a new lie SLASH trying to figure out when is the best time to stop lying SLASH trying to figure out how to cover up your lies and lies and EVERYTHING IS LIES. Lies are the worst and they make everyone feel weird.

If you want to say something, you should. Hands down. If she starts to ask too many questions just tell her you’re not ready to talk about it. She loves you and she just wants to know that you’re making the right choices.

Kristin Says:

I agree – I think honesty is the best policy. It sounds like your biggest concern is that your mom will FLIP OUT because she will be so afraid that you will get pregnant and have a baby real young just like she did. That is totally valid on your part, because I am sure that this will be a worry of hers – but it is also a completely valid concern on her end, and one that should (and can) be talked about!

If you want to test the waters before jumping into the deep end on this one, I think that you should sit your mom down and say that you are sometimes afraid to be completely honest with her about your sex life because you don’t want to worry her or make her angry. Gauge her response. If she drops her phone on the floor and says WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING, then I would highlight how that kind of response makes it difficult to be honest. If she responds calmly and says that she understands that fear, then say, “I want you to know that I have had sex but that I know and understand the ways to protect myself and I am being responsible. I am sorry that it took me a while to be honest, but I hope that you can trust me.”

Rules might get a little tighter once she knows, and that might inconvenience you a bit and be annoying… but it is a very small price to pay in exchange for her respecting your honesty and paving a path where she can trust you and allow you to grow up into a person who makes good decisions.

THIS ANSWER MADE ME FEEL OLD. YOU SHOULD ALSO EAT SOME TWIZZLERS OR SOMETHING.

Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid are the co-creators of Everyone is Gay, a website and organization promoting kindness between all people, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The views expressed in these blog posts are the viewsof the authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of MTV, KFF or the It’s Your Sex Life campaign.

Submit your question + get a FREE shirt:

To be eligible for a free shirt, send an email to act@mtv.com and include your (a) name, (b) mailing address, (c) date of birth and (d) sex/relationship question.

In addition, copy and paste the statement below in bold exactly as it appears in order to agree and acknowledge that you have accepted the terms of MTV.com’s Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement:

By sending this email, I accept and agree to MTV.com’s Terms of Use,  and Privacy Policy and User Content Submission Agreement.

AN EMAIL IS INCOMPLETE AND WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED AN OFFICIAL ENTRY UNLESS ENTRANT HAS ACKNOWLEDGED AND AGREED TO MTV.COM’S TERMS OF USE, PRIVACY POLICY AND USER CONTENT SUBMISSION AGREEMENT.