What’s the rush? Whether you’ve never had sex or simply want to move slow in a new relationship, you get to choose if and/or when you take that step. It’s YOUR sex life, and you have the right to decide for yourself and have those decisions be respected.

Sometimes, it can seem like you’re the only one who isn’t having sex, but you’re not alone! Taking control of your sex life means waiting until you are ready. If you decide you aren’t ready, it’s totally ok. Listen to yourself, no matter what anyone else says or does. Whether you choose to wait or choose to have sex, GYT has everything you need to know about the implications of having sex, like the risks of unintended pregnancy and STDs. And whatever you decide, get yourself talking with your partner about it.

It isn’t always easy—or comfortable—to talk about sex. But nothing is more awkward than silence, so here are some talking tips to help you get the conversation started about waiting to have sex. When talking about waiting, GYT is all about being:

Thoughtful

• Find a time and place to talk privately and without other things going on. Trying to talk before a final exam, right before falling asleep or when you already have your clothes off probably aren’t the best times to try and talk. It’s hard to avoid distractions, but it’s easier to be open and honest when the conversation is really focused on you and your relationship.
• Use “I” statements. Sounds pretty basic, but starting your thoughts with “I feel that…”, rather than, “You make me feel like…” can help you avoid a lot of confrontation or defensiveness.

Confident

• What you have to say is important, so expect the best. If you’re feeling positive about the conversation, it will be easier to be honest about how you’re feeling.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or coerced into doing or saying something, stop and remove yourself from the situation. And if you have said yes to sex before but aren’t feeling it and want to wait, know that you always have the option to say no, so be strong about speaking up.

Honest

• It’s only awkward if you make it awkward, so acknowledge the awkwardness. If you are having a hard time talking openly about having sex, just say that it’s not the easiest thing for you to talk about, but you’ve been thinking a lot about it. Your gf/bf is probably thinking the same thing and will be relieved that you’re taking the lead.
• Let your gf/bf know how you feel—EXPRESS YOURSELF. Be as honest as possible about your expectations, desires, limits and boundaries around the relationship and sex. Be clear about what you do feel comfortable with, and try to work with those options. The only way he or she can know what you are thinking is if you tell him or her.

Respectful

• Give your partner a chance to let you know how he or she feels and listen to what your partner says. You may find that you are closer to the same place than you thought.
• Respect your partner’s attitudes, values, and feelings about sex even though they may be different from yours.

Now that you’ve had “the talk” about waiting, keep talking about it! The talk can bring up a lot of different emotions, and those feelings can change over time.

In the end, what you decide about sex is completely up to you. If you are not ready for sex, then say so. When someone really cares about you, he or she will respect your decision.