Reported by MTV Act.
MTV Act and the It’s Your (Sex) Life campaign are beyond psyched to announce a new weekly relationship advice column with two of our favorite ladies in all the land: Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid.
From the the awkward to the complicated to the down-right-adorable, these girls have you covered. To submit your question about love, lust or anything in between, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’d love to hear from you, and your question could be chosen for a future column! FYI, in case you’re a little shy, all questions can be anonymous.
Q: How many times can you hook up with someone before it’s considered dating?
IF YOU’RE ME.
You guys, I’m the most ridiculous human. Some girl kissed me and i was like ‘THIS MEANS WE ARE DATING’ … you know?
This is totally different for every person. I had a friend who hooked up with the same person and no one else for two years and if you said they were dating they would have laughed you off the face of the planet.
Check in with yourself. Know that it’s totally okay to want to date the person you’re hooking up with and then TALK TO THEM. Either (1) they’ll be like ‘omg i was feeling the same way let’s do this’ and you’ll be like EEEEE or (2) they’ll be like ‘ohh but i kind of enjoy hooking up with no labels’ and you’ll be in the exact same position you are now. You literally have nothing to lose. SO, follow your loins and follow your heart. If you feel googley and want to be buying flowers for your hookupbuddy, go for it. I HAVE FAITH IN YOUR SIXTH SENSE.
IF YOU’RE ME.
The lesson here is obviously that there is no magic make-out number that pushes you over the dating threshold. I do think, though, that showing up with flowers and a name tag that says “Mrs. or Mr. THEIRLASTNAME” on your jacket after one kiss is probably a little too fast.
If you aren’t into dating, then I would suggest casually tossing that into conversation after make-out session three or four. Key word here is casually. Don’t look the person in the eye and scream “I WILL NOT DATE YOU, I WILL NOT!” That will never go over well.
If you are totally wanting to date all over this person, then I would again go the route of subtlety. Perhaps you hold their hand while you watch Pitch Perfect after make-out session number four. Perhaps you ask them if they’d like to have exclusive rights to your lips during make-out session number five.
We all have different numbers, but being upfront about these things is a much easier way to find out what kind of relationship you are seeking. Also, if this question is about me and we have made out five times, we are dating. No need to ask.
Q: I’ve had sex before but I’m starting to date someone new and just don’t feel like it yet. Any advice on how I can explain that?
I mean, unless you’re literally in the middle of DOING THE DEED as you send in this question, i think it’s pretty easy to ask your booboo to take it slowly.
Maybe it feels weird, but the fact of the matter is, you don’t wanna jump right into boner-town because you really like this relationship you are potentially building and THAT IS A WONDERFUL THING. If i was trying to get frisky with someone and they were like ‘hey, can we slow down a little bit? I like you a lot and i just wanna see where we go before we swap boners’ I would SWOON.
I think it’s the greatest thing. I ALSO KNOW THAT it’s weird to stop in the middle of making out hardcore BUT i want to encourage you to do so by yelling something fun like ‘NO EGGS IN THIS BASKET’ or ‘LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS’ or ‘WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE’ … all of these things should stop your boo right in their tracks and make them go ‘wha?’ which is the perfect way to start a conversation.
Omg. I cannot wait to shout “No eggs in this basket” at my next potential suitor.
Moving on… I agree with Dannielle. None of us should be afraid to speak our minds and our hearts and our desires with another human being. What’s more, if this is a human that you are swooning over, chances are they are swooning right back and are going to be thrilled that you have thoughts and opinions to share on the matter.
When I entered into my last relationship, I was basically yanking off all of my clothes as quickly as possible. The person I was dating, however, was like, “Hey, I totally want to do all of those things, but I think we should wait a bit. However, can we PLEASE continue to make-out!”
THE MAKING OUT WAS THE BEST MAKING OUT IN ALL THE WORLD, EVER EVER.
Say exactly what you are thinking! Just highlight the fact that you are totally into mashing mouths and having fun, but you’d like to take it slow – and that from your experience, taking it slow makes the journey even more enjoyable. If your boo gives you an attitude, they can hit the curb. There are plenty of us out here who will party with you in make-out-ville until you are good and ready for more.
Kristin Russo and Dannielle Owens-Reid are the co-creators of Everyone is Gay, a website and organization promoting kindness between all people, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The views expressed in these blog posts are the viewsof the authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of MTV, KFF or the It’s Your Sex Life campaign.